Comments on: Through the eyes of a child…..

By: Ellie

Ellie — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 22:47:11 +0000

Thanks Heather. It did help and I’m now able to read it back without breaking down. xxx

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:07:49 +0000

You have me in tears. really. I am so sorry you had to grow up like that on that day. and so sorry for your mother to miss your growing up. This was so well written, so beautifully expressed. I feel really thankful to have read it. and am so pleased you have finally been able to get it out, to put it down in words. i hope it helped. .-= Heather´s last blog ..What Do You think Of Vlogging? =-.

By: Alison

Alison — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 14:31:33 +0000

I have only just come across this post (followed over from Single Parent Dad). Firstly, I am so, so sorry for your loss of your Mum. And you were so, so young.

This post was beautifully expressed. It also deeply resonated with me. I lost a sister to leukaemia when I was nine and so many of the things you said rang bells for me. I too don't know what happened at the funeral. (I was sent away). I was asked to be brave and not cry in front of my mother by well-meaning relatives so as not to upset her more. All this has meant that, like you, I've been carrying it round with me for years. And it's finally starting to come out.

Perhaps I can take courage from your beautiful writing and write about my own experience myself. I have started a post but can't seem to hit publish.

By: Catherine

Catherine — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:33:06 +0000

Oh wow, that brought back a few memories as the same thing happened to me although I was much older. After my mother died I found a notebook of hers in which she had written " I know I will never see my daughter get married or have children" she didn't and it is so very sad. 25 years on it is still tough, but cliché though it may be, I try to remember the happy times which helps. Glad I found your blog. Cherish and enjoy those little ones of yours, as one day before you know it they will have flown the nest (see my penultimate post on my blog) Love all your Yorkshire references.Where are are you from?

By: allgrownup

allgrownup — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:50:58 +0000

you're forgiven, this was clearly a nececity not an indulgence. gorgeous writing as always x

By: Single Parent Dad

Single Parent Dad — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:48:43 +0000

An apology? Christ, thanks for sharing this, and I genuinely mean that. Not easy to read, yet beautifully put together, and heartfelt. Incredibly interesting to read how an adult you still deals with losing a parent, albeit in your conscious memory.

By: SnafflesMummy

SnafflesMummy — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:16:50 +0000

what a sad but touching post. I am sure your mum would be so very proud of you, Big E and little E. It is also nice to see how close the rest of your damily remain to you.

By: Muddling Along Mummy

Muddling Along Mummy — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:43:47 +0000

I wish I could write something beautiful or meaningful but instead all I can do is send you hugs and my deepest sympathies – what you have written is just so poignant

By: whistlejacket

whistlejacket — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:21:48 +0000

A sad post to read, it made me cry too. It must have been very difficult to write. I can remember being five and my parents seemed invincible back then, I can't imagine what it must have be like to lose one of them when you and they are so young. It must have put huge strain on your family. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us what's important.

By: Sandy Calico

Sandy Calico — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:16:54 +0000

I read this post early this morning but didn't have time to comment then as one of my boys fell and hit his head. We cried together.
An amazing post. You have captured your emotions as a five year old and as a mother so beautifully.
I'm so sorry for your loss. x

By: Mwa

Mwa — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:29:16 +0000

Big hug for you. What a sad thing. Don't apologise for it. That was beautiful.

By: BNM

BNM — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:17:58 +0000

I too sharethe grief you are feeling but luckily for me I didn't lose my mother at such a young age.
I agree with Laura@Arewenearlythereyet? when she syas that the hardest stage is becoming a mother yourself. I've asked my dad about simple things like did I do this? what age was I when I started teething? etc but being at work when we were small he didn't know.
I often still now several years down the line cry when I think about my mum and I now I still will.
Big Bare Naked Mummy hugs to you

BNM

By: yummymummytips

yummymummytips — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:37:19 +0000

What a beautiful post. Tears at 10.15am on a Monday morning!

By: Laura - Are We Nearly There Yet Mummy?

Laura - Are We Nearly There Yet Mummy? — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:28:55 +0000

So sorry E, I feel your pain.

Like you, I never thought my Mum would die, it didn't occur to me, I thought my Mum was invincible.

My grief has gone through lots of stages. The hardest has definitely been becoming a mother and wondering how she must have felt knowing she was going to leave her young child behind.

I hope sharing this has taken a weight off your shoulders, I know when I started my 'other' blog I found it very cathartic ... I still do, however hard it is to actually write about.

By: Dan

Dan — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:58:33 +0000

A beautiful and touching post.

Thanks for sharing that with us.

By: Chic Mama

Chic Mama — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:36:43 +0000

Yes it is sad…..I feel for you. To remember those feelings when you were only five show how much of a profound effect it had on you at such a young age.
It's a shame you feel you can't ask those questions.
Thank you for posting it, I think we all need reminding from time to time how precious every second with our children is….

By: The Dotterel

The Dotterel — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:13:52 +0000

Gosh, so much emotion, so many questions. What a difficult – yet essential – post that must have been to write. So moving…

By: TheMadHouse

TheMadHouse — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:06:59 +0000

What can I say. I have tears running down my face. I so understand the wanting to spend every minute when sick with your childre, the things I did before my major operation in February, the thought of not seeing them have their first nativity or go to school spured me on so much. I am so sorry for your loss at such a young age. I lost my father 9 years ago and being a parent made me feel like I lost him all over again. Feel free to say what you need to say. And maybe, just maybe now would be the time to ask about her ashes

By: Very Bored Housewife

Very Bored Housewife — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 07:43:59 +0000

Oh, what to say, you've made me cry. My heart breaks for you. Huge hugs. Maybe you should ask your Dad what happened to your Mum's ashes, if they were scattered somewhere then it would be a place that meant a lot to your Mum.

More hugs. xx

By: Josie

Josie — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 06:02:16 +0000

A big bear hug embrace to your five year-old-self my sweet. What a horrible thing to have had to go through so young and to have had to carry with you for so long. Well done you for sharing something so tender and deep. I'm sure your mum would be so proud of you - seeing what an incredible mother and talented writer you have grown to become.

And you are right. As a mother yourself this must make these memories all the more real and all harder to bear. But also make life infinitely more precious.

Much love xxx

By: april

april — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:11:07 +0000

Thank you for this post. My Mum was diagnosed with ovarian and uterine cancer when I was ten, I remember her taking me for a walk on the beach and explaining what would happen to me when she died – and feeling numb, I remember staying with my grandparents, I remember her throwing up from the chemo – she too never lost her hair. But instead of running towards me, she ran away – smothered herself in university work, i was often sent to family, she tried to kill herself before the cancer could – only she survived.
And I am so lucky that she did because had she died I don't know where I would be now.
I am truely sorry for the loss of your mum
truely.
*hugs*