Today I’m feeling very unsettled. Yesterday afternoon, while he was at the local primary school nursery, my 3 year old son, Big E, had a nasty fall outside. As a result he has a swollen lip, cuts inside his mouth, a bruised chin and grazes under his nose and on his lip.
When I arrived to pick him up the teacher explained that he’d had a fall whilst playing races with the other children. I was asked to sign the accident book and noticed the account of the accident was a quote from Big E and there was no information in the ‘witnessed by’ section of the form.
I was flustered and Big E was clingy so I quickly signed the form and we set off walking home. It wasn’t until we were halfway that it occurred to me that neither the two teachers nor the assistant had seen the accident happen.
Needless to say I am disappointed that he’s hurt and that the accident wasn’t seen.
I’ve no doubt that it was indeed an accident but I am left feeling unsettled and struggling to trust the school to look after my boy. I’m fighting the urge to take him out and register him on a waiting list elsewhere. I’m hoping this feeling will pass.
Do I trust my instincts to move him or should I let the dust settle? Have you had a similar experience?
Help….please?
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
The trouble with school, especially at Big E's age, is that there are never really enough adults around. It only the one watching your child to look away for a second and and accident's been and gone unnoticed. I wouldn't let it worry you too much – kids get scraped a lot and soon grow out of it.
Hi, sorry that he has had an accident, his lip looks sore.
I work in childcare, in a school at the mo.
If it were me I'd be asking, where the staff were, how many were outside, needs to be the correct ratio, but at the VERY least two staff.
Even if it was not witnessed, that bit still has to be filled in.
Its very easy to be rushed into signing paperwork like this, but they ought to have distracted your little lad, while thay gave to a full account.
However, you can still question it and I would, other questions like who did the first aid, what they did, EG, cold compress….
Hope this helps…
Melx
P.S…sorry me again, my pooters playing up so I may have sent you a load of the same info…sorry about that!
:>)
I am not sure how larger your sons preschool is or what the teacher to child ratio is, but I have five children at home and I cannot keep up with all their accidents. Accidents happens, especially among toddlers and preschoolers and many can't be prevented. It just takes a split second for one to happen. My oldest son once got a huge gash in his head here at home that bled really bad. To this day I do not know what happened and I had less kids then and was very vigilant!
It could be that their back was turned at the time, or that they just couldn't be bothered filling in the "witnessed" bit of the book.
It wouldn't concern me overly, unless I'd had concerns about other stuff too.
However, one thing I've learned is to go with your gut in the vaast majority of cases. As your subconcous picks up on stuff you're concious mind may not.
Hugs for Big E and you. I think it's impossible for the nursery staff to watch all the children for every second but I completely understand your reaction. Me personally, I would let this one slide but if something else happened then I would take him out and place him somewhere else.
xx
Is this an isolated incident, or is it part of a bigger issue that is concerning you?
I would politely ask the ratio of staff to children. MiniMad is three and I know at his Preschool, which is part of a primary school, that there is always 2 staff outside with the children. I know that at home I can turn my back and one of the boys can get hurt 0 look at the razor incident a couple of months back.
If I was happy with the place, I would leave things well alone.
If this is part of a bigger picture of concern then you know what you need to do.
Poor Big E, not nice to have such a nasty fall when he's only just started there! Unfortunately these things do happen. I've signed a number of accident forms for my four year old and sometimes staff don't always see what happens. Usually it's a fall in the garden as he runs around with no thought about anything. The worst was when his 'friend' whacked him over the head with a toy car and left him with a nasty cut and he was upset about it for two days afterwards. I was cross but what could I do? His friend was told off and I signed yet another form. It's very hard relinquishing your control over to someone else and when these things happen it's horrible. But is is part of them growing up and it will happen at school too. I hope he and you feel better soon xx
I wouldn't worry about it. When I'm out with the children, I don't watch them both every second either. I'm not even sure it's healthy for a child to have someone watching all.the.time. Very big brother-ish.
In Belgium, children go to school at two and a half and are routinely in a class with one teacher and more than twenty children. They all survive.
(I think Belgians are a little more relaxed in this than Brits.
)
The Pocket Dictator recently came home with an egg on her head in very similar circumstances- the nursery staff apologised that they hadn't seen it happen. She subsequently fell at home when there were two parents in the room and neither of us saw it. I suspect it may be part of living with a toddly one. Leave him where he is for now but if it happens again, reconsider.
I doubt this helps, but hope it does. (((Hugs))) though- sounds like you all need them.
Oh dear! Poor little love.
I'd concur with what many others have said – if it's a one-off incident then let it go; however if you've other concerns (above and beyond this), then maybe look to move him.
I'm a believer in trusting your gut
I know it would certainly make me think but I think like many have said speak with the nursery about ratios but just remember your gut feelings count for alot and you are his mum so its your descision.
Hmmm hard one. I paid through nose (and every other orifice going) to send Ben to a really good nursery and one day I picked him up and noticed a huge bump on his head, I waited for the accident book to come out and said to him "oh dear, how did that happen" to pass time – and it was the first time anyone noticed it.
Ben seems to bruise really quickly and really dramatically; given the bump and grazes down his leg the key worker and I guessed he must have recently skidded down the slide or something, picked himself up and carried on playing. If the nursery nurse isn't watching that child at the exact time and the child doesn't hurt themselves enough to yell then it can go unnoticed.
I wasn't too worried as my facebook profile is full of pictures where Ben looks as if I have beaten the living cr*p out of him.
Maybe you should ask them about the incident and find out what steps they do take to look after the kids in their care to put your mind to rest?
Having said all of that, if you won't feel comfortable leaving him at the nursery then it probably isn't worth staying there. If you aren't happy then Big E could pick up on it and get increasingly upset at nursery.
If it were me I would have a chat with them again next time I went in (which I would make sure was PDQ), I would explain that I had been fretting a bit and could they just reassure me with how their outdoor play activities are supervised so I can relax again. If you say it in the right tone they should be happy to talk to you. And if they aren't happy to reassure you then it would leave me a little worried. I think things like this do happen (you wait and see how many bumped head letters you get sent home from school!) but asking for reassurance is also acceptable.
Poor Big E, hope he feels better soon! Lots of great advice already but I always say trust your instincts!
Thanks everyone for being honest.
I think the general consensus seems to be that these things happen.
So, I'm giving myself a swift slap about the chops and I'm going to let it be. I'm new to this loosening the apron strings malarkey and I will get used it the bumps and scrapes eventually.
Many thanks to everyone for their input.
x
Bit late here but just wanted to come give you ((hug)) and one for Big E too xx
I'm a bit late on this one too, but just wanted to send a virtual hug too. I have had an incident before where monkey got scratched quite deeply in the face by another child (in fact, the mark is still there a few weeks on, although very faint now). I was upset it wasn't seen but I know sometimes these things happen and children do fall over/off things/bite or scratch each other. It can rattle you a bit though, and there is always the temptation to feel guilty or blame yourself. As others have said, if this is a one off I would try not to let it upset you overly, but if it is part of a broader pattern of concerns then maybe you need to have a conversation with nursery. I wouldn't feel worried about doing that – I have before with my nursery. If they are good, they will take any concerns you have seriously and go out of their way to reassure you.
Oh *hugs* Thinking back to kindergarten with my kids, there was always a filled in incident report for every incident, even if it was just a small scrape on the knee..and if they didn';t witness it, they would ask another child aswell – from memory, so it wasn't just my crying upset bubs take on it. But school is another matter intirely, in fact there have been so many dangerous incidents and accidents with no one there that we are moving the kids, and have been, even if we weren't moving ourselves (just good timing) I think, if it comes with a not good feeling about the place as whole, if you go to talk to them about it and they won't tell you how they found out how it happened, what first aid they did why they didn't call you…then maybe worry..and HUGS for both of you. nothing worse than not being there when really bad stuff happens to your little ones be it injury or argument.
Oh and 'races' to me seems a VERY noticeable game, it isn't as though he fell of the climbing frame…Dad Who Draws just put in his two cents – which I am conveying essentially "Did they talk to the other kids there?, surely if the teacher isn't there you talk to the people who were before filling in the report" (might be worth asking – he is secretly a teacher)
I think I would be upset that you didn't know about the fall until it happened. With a fall that appears as bad as your little guys does, I would have wanted a call before you got there. My personal opinion is if you feel unsettled, which you admit you do, it's probably better to go with your gut than to risk it. True – in terms of evidence you have little and things could easily e just fine. but I don't go against my gut unless I really have to.
another way to look at it is – the worst case scenarios compared. the worst case scenario for taking him out of the daycare would be that he gets less used to being around other kids, and might not learn a couple of things he would have learned at the nursery.
worst case scenario of leaving him there could be another injury, that might be worse than it is.
So. I'd leave. but, I definitely feel for your situation – there's no easy answer.
Joining in late, if it were me I'd be comfortable letting it go if it's a one off, accidents happen.
I agree with all these, and totally sympathise. There's a genuine horror that comes from the realisation that you aren't there, that you will be there less and less, and that they are outside your immediate control and that you have to trust others with their care. And of course that these things will happen. I would say the reality of the situation is probably that this is totally normal, but your feelings are just like mine were when it first happened to my boy. Have that quiet chat, reassure yourself that they are on the ball, and unfortunately, get used to it! My son comes home with terrible bruises sometimes, and he can't remember what happened!
At my 4 and 3year old's school if they have an accident whilst they're there the teacher always phones me up stright after the incident to let me know what exactly happened and whether i want to come and check them over. I find this very re assuring that they keep a good eye on the children perhaps you should ask big E's school what their policy is and see if you think it is acceptable xxx