Disclaimer: This post was written by a feverish insomniac and may make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Remember I told you we’ve got The Lurgy?
Well, thanks to its fever inducing properties I seem to have developed a strange obsession with taking everybody’s temperature.
If you come within ten paces of me you are more than likely to find my thermometer shoved in the relevant orifice. And, not content at one reading, I’ll take three and choose the average. Just to be on the safe side, you understand?
Before you get any strange ideas, it’s one of those digital ear ones, you know the kind. It bleeps, has pretty lights and glows bright red if a fever is detected. Did I mention the pretty lights?
Ahhhh pretty lights.
Also, due to our fluey feverish states I’ve managed to make various random strangers recoil in fear and disgust.
On Saturday I answered the door to the constituency Labour Party candidate canvassing for the general election. Did I impress her with my political savvy and understanding of issues affecting parents?
No.
In the doorway I stood, with my unkempt hair, make-upless face and geeky glasses, wearing leggings, hoodie and no socks. Snotty baby in one hand, digital thermometer brandished in the other, preschooler coughing his guts up in the background and shouting, “I’ve done some gravy in my potty Mummy!”
I wowed her with my deeply thought out (cough) insights whilst furiously trying to assure her that we didn’t, in fact, have swine flu and she had no need to be recoiling in horror from the asthmatic bark/puke/poo noises emanating from within my home.
Quite an image, no?
The postman witnessed a similar scenario midweek and his teeth sucking gasps were clearly audible.
So when you imagine me to be a perfectly groomed and glamourous uber Mummy (as you so obviously do, why wouldn’t you?) and you feel you cannot match my evident perfection, just remember the images I’ve crafted for you here and take heart.
Now, you’re looking a bit peaky. Would you like me to take your temperature? My thermometer has pretty lights…..
Image courtesy of Suat Eman – FreeDigitalPhotos.net
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Gravy in the potty, nice.I hope you are better now.
oh poor you! and anybody that comes a canvassing deserves everything they get in ny view.
Well I hope you all feel better soon!
Oh no, the gravy on the potty line has created quite an image in my mind. Read you tweet earlier. Hope the medicines work soon. Where did you get a flashing light thermometer from? I like the sound of that!
I want a funky thermometer like that! It's a better orifice!
Lol! Our house has been similar, I've been looking like you except with an enormous baby bump which has freaked out the delivery drivers convinced I'm about to give birth and they'll have to help. Love the sound of your thermometer.
oh I think we have the same thermometer a calpol one that beeps or flashes if you have a fever? I can't work out how to use it so OH always manhalndles the kids and shoves it in their ears. Hope you are all better soon.
I am having thermometer envy…
Mine is extremely dull under arm/tongue one that makes an alarming siren noise and flashes red when you have a fever and always scares the bejeezus out of me whenever Kai is ill. I need one that pulses with some calm blue light and tells me not to panic.
Sorry you're still feeling so grotty. (Although, it should be said, your door-way look is my regular style…)
Get better soon xxx
I want a themometer that tells you when you have a temperature – mine you have to guess at…where do you get those from? With Josie – that is how I always look as well
hope you feel very much better very soon (oh and am impressed by the snow 
) although i think your background is jumping…
Get well soon…you, your family and indeed the labour candidate and postman!
I love my digital thermometer and am often to be found shoving it in the Bear's ear for no reason at all. Gravy in the potty conjures up a delightful mental image! Hope you all feel better soon x
This had me in stitches!
So glad to know I'm not the only one who has days like those.
I hope you feel better soon