You know those moments where you feel like the worst parent in the world? I’m having one right now.
A few weeks ago I posted about how Big E had had an ordeal at the hairdressers. He’s petrified of scissors, becomes very frightened, and as a result has tantrums.
His hair has been long overdue for a cut again. Neither I, nor his Daddy could face taking him for another round of public humiliation. Instead I decided I’d do the job myself with the clippers, at home.
There was a lot of bribery involved before I’d even begun. Promises of toast with peanut butter, wafer biscuits, and a mug of hot chocolate were made. We sat him in his old Ikea highchair, put one of his favourite films on the TV, and got off to a tentative start. He whimpered and panicked a little but managed to stay composed for long enough for me to cut the front and top of his hair.
Then all hell broke loose.
The moment the clippers went near his ears he totally freaked out. Screaming, shouting, crying and lashing out. There was no way I could leave it half done. The top and front were a good inch shorter than the rest of his hair. I tried to coax him into calming down, Daddy tried to distract him but nothing worked.
We ended up having to pretty much pin him down just to get it finished to a barely passable standard. I feel heartbroken that he was so upset. I’m sure I’ve done more harm than good and have more than likely exacerbated his fear of having his hair cut.
Right now I feel like the most terrible mother on the planet.
I hugged him so tightly once it was over. I needed him to know that I would never hurt him and I love him so much. I’m worried that he’ll resent me for forcing him to have his hair cut. Of course, we spoiled him with the treats we had promised and let him stay up late to finish watching his DVD.
I never ever want to put him or us through that again, but in a few weeks he’ll need a cut and I have no idea how we are going to handle it…..
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
Poor you, poor Big E. No advice really, Joseph used to hate the hairdressers now its a son & papa thing, he sits and watches his Dad get his done and then he's fine.
Hope you find a solution quickly. xx
Does he watch you and daddy get yours cut? Do you have a childrens hairdresser nearby you could go to?
I dont sbject the boys to short cuts, there is plenty of time for that. Thry have always just had a little trim and their fringe done. I take them to my hairdressers and she is great with them. She has a superhero cape, is firm, but gentle with them, issuing clear instructions and they get a treat at the end. When they were smaller, I gave them a packet of quavers (which they never ever had)!!
Oh been there. We have so been there. My boys looked like street urchins for years. Me chopping at their hair with scissors (I have no idea about cutting hair) and the Looooooong periods of time when they had long long hair before getting it as short as possible.
Then, suddenly, they grew out of the phase. I took them to the hairdresser last week and they were both as good as gold. Hang in there, it will be ok inthe end. And he looks gorgeous too. xxx
We had very similar experiences with J and eventually after a few times he cracked it and calmed down and is now fine
Know how you feel though cause countless times J left me feeling like that!
Oh dear what a nightmare for you. My little one has loved getting his haircut from day one and has been known to fall asleep in absolute bliss as they snip and preen away at him so I can't offer much in the way of advice… except of course that little boys are rather cute with long hair. I've tried everything I can to persuade my 4yo to grow his hair… no luck!
I so know that feeling! However, I have learned that
1. this kind of thing leaves no permanent damage
2. long, shaggy, untidy hair is very very cute (but is not allowed to reach the eyes as this impedes development)
3. parents are allowed the odd bit of offspring torture.
I haven't attempted to take Little Miss A to the hairdressers yet as I'm too scared she'll flip out and be scared for ever. I hope Big E copes better next time. I am taking the chicken route and just putting Little Miss A's hair up at the moment.
Tagging you for a new meme over at mine if you are interested. x
The great thing about hair is that it grows back!
An irresponsible parent would suggest maybe putting a tiny bit of Jack Daniels in his drink before a cut. I personally would never suggest such a thing, I am renowned for my responsibility. Seriously though, good luck next time round.
The boy used to be exactly the same but with his ears though – at five he's only just grown out of it. Unfortunately my haircutting skills have rapidly gone downhill judging by the hash I made of his most recent cut.
We used to take No 1 Son to a very exclusive hairdressers with fish swimming in a tank instead of a mirror and toys and books and lollipops and it didn't make a blind bit of difference, he still used to bawl the place down the minute he saw the scissors. I always felt as though we'd emerged from a major operation instead of some basic grooming afterwards. Your little boy looks so cute though hope he's over it now xxx
LOL Dont stress Ellie, toddlers have irrational fears of alot of things and they pass, no lasting damage! We use the pin down and cut technique after a few months its now fine, she will have it cut no fuss.
Dont project and it will passx
I'm so mean I giggled reading this.
He'll be fine, might get enlisted but otherwise ok. I've used headlock technique for so many procedures (nail cuts, fringe cuts, face washing, ear drops) she will emerge a stronger person for it all!
Toddlers don't resent their parents for making them do stuff they don't like, it's par for the course!
oh dear! poor Ethan. I still havent leant i cant cut hair!!
I think you're very brave to have attempted clippers, I still use scissors with Clever Preschooler as the sound of clippers terrifies him!
Of course he knows you love him so much, when you came at him with a pair of clippers!!! Only joking!!
He looks great whatever hair cut he had. I wouldn't have attempted it so I think you are very brave indeed.
CJ xx
You could have left the back an inch longer, as it grows it would have been a mullet, there is nothing wrong with a good mullet
Just kidding actually the result doesn't look too bad!
I know what you mean about feeling bad for forcing him to do something he doesn't want to. It is tough. What matters though is that you do it with good intentions, he will always know you love him, but he might remember that you are a pretty bad hairdresser
VBIC – I'm hoping he'll grow out of it. Very soon!
MadHouse – No children's hairdressers here that I have been able to find. We've tried Quavers, chocolate, reading, playing, watching TV etc whilst cutting but nothing works.
Fraught Mummy – I cut round his ears with the scissors and nearly had a heart attack doing it. I'm hoping that the sudden growing out if it stage comes very soon.
Hayley – It's awful isnlt it? I hope we get to the end of this phase soon.
Mrs W – If only I could let his hair grow! It's thick and grows like the clappers so he'd be a hippy in 3 months!
MWA – I hope he does forget, am not very good at offspring torture LOL!
Ang – I bet your little Miss will be fine. I just have one very highly strung 3 year old!
A Modern Mother – Indded it does! Just far too fast!
GoonerJamie – Nevermind giving him the JD! I think my need was greater yesterday LOL!
Glowstars – Please donlt tell me I have another two years of this! Eeeeek!
Liz@LWK – That's exactly wht it felt like, a flipping operation. All this fuss over a haircut!
Dear Diary – Trying not to priject. Trying not to project….
Lax Parenting – I knew you'd laugh. I thought he looked lkike a recruit too! I learnt the headlock technique from you BTW
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Beth – I'm pretty certain that I won'tlearn my lesson either
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Erin – On a scale of terrified to ten he's 9 with clipper and 10 with scissors. Such fun!
CJ – He'll probably have nightmares about me wielding clippers and be in therapy 'til he's 45. He always looks cute to me, I'm biased.
Perfectly Happy – I'm leaving the mullet in the 80's where it belongs. That would've been crueler still!
Go for the long hair look for a while! I reckon most of these things pass in their own time. Don't be so hard on yourself – all mum's have these sorts of trials and tribulations and my guess is most of us do things sometimes that probably wouldn't be written in the 'Good Mum' book. case in point : http://kelloggsville.blogspot.com/2009/08/what-was-i-thinking.html
Any mother that claims to be perfect is completely deluded or a liar. Go easy xxx
im sure he will not hold it against you.
Could you maybe get hium to play hiardressers with you or some teddies? Or you could get him some childrens play scissors, draw some faces and get him to give them haircuts?
I'm with the if they can't see, you gotta hold 'em and get their hair cut brigade. It's you that remembers the torment FOREVER, they will grow out of their irrational fear, and forget the whole thing!
so, do what you have to until he grows out of it, it will pass – honestly!
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xx
Sometimes you do just have to hold them down to do things, you will remember a lot longet that he will so try not to fret too much.
Don't feel bad because if you do then I should too. My daughter's fear of going to th hairdressers after only one traumatic visit is so bad that we can no longer go. I am hoping she will grow out of it. It is easier for her though, being a girl, but at some point her hair will need to be cut.
I'm with Mwa. These things never cause any lasting damage. I remember having to hold one of mine down for a vaccination. I felt like the worst mother in the world. No fantastic advice, though, sadly. Just as well because it was bound to have been poo. Big hugs! xx
Awwww, don't feel so bad. My oldest used to be like that — until we found a hairdresser who was wonderful with him. Called the shaver thing the tickle monster! He still hates to have his hair cut to this day so we're lucky that long surf dude look is in. Hugs to ya!
My middle one used to be like that, he screamed and screamed and had to be pinned down. We finally reached a compromise with lollypops. He never normally had them, so I'd let him suck one while sitting in the hairdressers chair. Got a bit of hair stuck to it, but never mind
He still doesn't like it aged 5, but he doesn't cry any more, just complains. It does get easier and please don't worry about scarring him for life. I guarantee he's already forgotten about it!