There comes a time for many Mums, after the babymoon is over, when you walk headlong into that invisible glass wall that is the dreaded return to work.
Some Mums relish the freedom of a those few daily hours spent in the company of adults. The ability to drink a hot cup of coffee without interruption. The luxury of a lunch break and the thrill of wearing a nice pair of heels. Not to mention a chance to exercise the old grey matter and achieve something just for yourself.
Others dread the time away from their children. Feel guilty at the thought of leaving them in someone else’s care and spend every working minute longing to see them again. Every second spent away from them is a second missing out on them.
I fall somewhere between the two which often leaves me feeling torn.
I enjoy flexing my brain cells and being part of something outside these four walls and certainly need to earn a wage to keep a roof over our heads, but I love just being with my children.
Today I have my ‘returning to work after maternity leave’ meeting with my boss which I’ve been managing to remain suitably ostrich like about for the last 8 months.
I’ve arranged nursery places for the kids (which involved me sobbing in front of the nursery manager and basically begging), worked out how many hours I need to work to make ends meet. Estimated what tax credits I’ll be entitled to. Panicked. Felt sick. Not slept. Not necessarily in that order.
When I returned after having Big E, I was in the enviable position of having his Great Aunt, who he calls ‘Nana’, take care of him while I worked. I’ll always be eternally grateful for the time she spent taking care of him so I could earn a much needed wage. This time, after having Little E, circumstances have changed and now the only option I have is to pay for childcare and work longer hours than I’d like.
In an Ideal World I’d be a stay at home or work at home mum. But this isn’t an Ideal World. And needs must.
So, wish me luck today as I face the dreaded return to work, and keep your fingers crossed.
In the meantime, I’d like to know what were your feelings about returning to work?
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Oh man- good luck returning to work. I hated it. (still do!) I am hugely lucky that my hubby is a stay-at-home dad. If not I don't actually think I could have made it back to work – and I work from home!
It's actually 12 months to the day that I returned to work and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I was looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong I love Sam to bits but when he was very tiny I found it difficult to just look after him. I need other things going on in my life.
It helped enoromously that my mother in law and husband share the childcare so I know who he's with and what he's doing at all time. I love my job and colleagues and they have been very flexible in allowing me to work at home when I need to or if Sam is a bit off colour.
It's actually harder the older Sam gets. He's 18 months now and learing something new every day. Now I feel like I'm missing out and would prefer to work part time. It just isn't an option for us financially though so I just keeep my head down, get on with it and cherish the hour or so we play every evening.
I do feel like I'm a better mother for working though. I have other interests but when I'm with Sam it's just us and I concentrate on him knowing I've had 'my time' during the day. My husband does the discipline, the arguments at meal times and I come home at 5pm with cuddles, kisses and uninterrupted play time.
Of course it does help that if I hadn't have gone back to work we wouldn't have been able to afford our house, food etc. I'm the biggest wage earner so we didn't have a choice.
Good luck with it all. Sorry for the essay!
Good luck! I think as a mum no matter what choices you make you feel bad about something. Hope it goes well xx
Good luck.. feeling torn is the worst thing. When I went back afer Son I felt guilty about enjoying myself at work, and guilty about not worrying about work at home. With Daughter I'm at home – having moved up North and left my job behind – and I feel guilty about sometimes wishing I could get away, and guilty about not bringing in any money. Basically, it's the mothers lot to feel guilt about everything I think – it's probably the same conscientiouness gene that gets us up in the middle of the night, cleaning up sick… Really hope it works out well for you and the children, and I can genuinely say that Son is far more sociable for his time at nursery (well more sociable than me, anyway!)
Good luck! Try to enjoy the grownup time. I didn't want to go back but I felt I had to. Then when my company made me redundant 5 years later I was sad because I couldn't find another two days in the office and one from home setup I had there. Hopefully the kids will love the time hanging out with friends while you're at work and it will all work out well.
I hope things are not too bad and I wish you all the luck in the world
Awwww lovely I hope it's going well. I remember this so well with my two. I felt guilty, so sad to leave them, and torn from our routine. They…were both fine.
When you've been back a few weeks you'll all settle down and I'm sure it will be ok. I agree with Emily O, there's always something we feel bad about as parents, but in the end you're a good Mum and I'm sure they will be very sociable and well rounded little monkeys. Hugs.
The return to work for me was a fairly gradual thing as I am mostly self-employed – but I did have to find childcare for the boys, and I think the dreading of it was much worse than the reality. It always takes them a few days to settle into a new nursery, but after that they are fine, and then your own guilt/missing them abates. When I worked in an office two days a week last year, I loved it – relished the company and simple things like walking down the street to work sipping a latte!
Good luck. I dreaded going back to work and I worried about the costs, but I only had one child in childcare, so good luck with that too. I like going to work some weeks, but the majority of the time I would like to stay at home all the time.
Hope it goes ok for you…can they give you a shorter week?
x
Good luck! You are being such a good mama to make sure your children have everything they need.
I was a mess when I went back the first time. I'd delayed as long as possible (normal maternity leave in Belgium is three months), and it didn't go well. I'm grateful to be at home just now, but I will go back to work in a few years because I do miss the adults and the work.
Again – good luck!
I feel like at the moment all I do when I have a moment to think (not that often) is run through my options and try to imagine what it will be like if I do go back. I thought making this decision would be the easiest ever but it is so hard.
I hope that they make it as easy for you as possible.
After #1 I returned to work full-time. After #2 I returned to work part-time (was single by then too), then worked 3 part-time days from home and 2 in the office, then full-time at home. After #3 I did a few hours in the evening but stopped altogether when he was 2.
Whatever you do you will crave the other. The biggest lesson I've learned as a parent – anything you choose to do will always be the wrong choice. I think it says it on the tin somewhere…
I'm due back on 8th March and I know it will fly in! It will be good to get back to chatting with colleagues and avoiding Cbeebies for awhile but like you I'd much rather be a SAHM! Of course this is the most rewarding job unfortunately the pay is, well, lacking. If only, if only! Good luck!
Fantastic book called Life after Birth by Kate Figes helped me come to terms with the guilt after I went back to work when my daughter was 5 months old. The period where I was working full time and a single mum was the hardest and I had masses of family support. I am very lucky that I have flexible hours, an understanding manager and can work from home sometimes but the spanner in the works of a sick child, let down by child care or last minute school event will forever leave me with the working mum guilt trip!! But I think my daughter is well rounded, independent and a pretty cool kid. Sometimes we can't choose whether to work or not, I had to work but I think it's all worked out ok so far. Good luck – once you get into the swing of it you'll be ok xxx
Good luck! Hope it went well. Let us know. Lots of wise comments on here, but the one thing I would add is don't expect it to be the same as it was last time. Clearly it won't for you as your childcare is different, but pretty much everyone I spoke to before I went back second time said "it will be harder" and they were right. Don't want to be the voice of misery and am very much hoping you'll prove me wrong, but I think more children means more pulling you towards them and away from your job… I found it all too hard and have cut down my days at work (not given up altogether (yet)) but I also can't say that I don't enjoy (in not particular order) time to read my book on the tube, going to the loo without someone telling me "well done, mummy", having a whole cup of tea before it goes cold, chosing my own lunch rather than picking it off someone else's plate, having an adult conversation from time to time, just being me and not someone's mum…. concentrate on those bits. We all do what we have to do to stay sane (and financially viable), and you will do it fantastically.
Moiderer – I'd love to work from home! My husband did suggest he stay at home while I work but that would've killed me
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NSAYM – Don't be embarrassed to say you enjoyed going back to work. Nothing wrong with that at all! I can totally see why you feel like 'a better mother' for it. Makes sense to me!
Emily O – Very true. Good old fashioned parental guilt has a clever way of making an unwanted appearance at every turn!
1 husband – Conscienciousness gene? You may be onto something there.
Skirts and wellies – I'm going to try my best to enjoy my time. I just hope the kids like nursery!
MadHouse – Thank you lovely lady. x
Jo Beaufoix – The guilt is silly isn't it. I'm sure the anxiety we put ourselves throught just makes it worse. I must rememeber to bgo easy on me….
x
Nappy Valley Girl – You're right, the dread is much worse than the reality and I am looking forward to drinking a cuppa in relative peace!
Ang – The cost is a big worry as fees are are more than my wage! I know I'll miss them, moreso now I have two to pine for. x
MelMel – Thanks x I'll be working 22.5 hours over 3 days.
MWA – Thanks for the good luck wishes. Wow – 3 months is a short time. I'm grateful to have had these last months with my little people.
Kelly – I've thought about nothing else for months. Probably a big reason I donlt sleep. I desperately wracked my brains to find a way to be able to stay at home but sadly I cannot. You will come to a decision that is right for you ((Hugs)) x
Mrs W – You are so right! Now where did I put that tin?…:)
Laura C – It will fly in. It seems like 2 mins since I was thinking it'd be 6 months 'til I neede to make a decision
. Oh yes, if only SAHM came with an attractive wage!
Kellogsville – I shall look up the book, thanks for the tip. It is the 'no choice' bit that leave the slightly bitter taste, but yes, I'm certain it'll be fine eventually.
PlanB – It feels harder already. Double the guilt. I'll just have to grin and bear it, make the best of thge time we do have together and enjoy the time I get to be alone!
xxx
As a work at home mum I guess I'm lucky because I have the best of both worlds. But sometimes I remember the days I spent working in offices and the fun I had. However, my life has changed since those days and so have I.
The very best of luck for your going back to work, I hope it works out and you settle in again.
CJ xx
I went back to work really really quickly because I didn't have a choice – I was on a newspaper and the longer you were out of the picture the less likely it was you'd be able to return. Sad but true. Part of me really regrets that I wasn't at home at least until the start of primary school. Working from home for the past year (not from choice!) has been great in some ways because I've been there every day after school.
I'm no hero, but due to unforeseen circumstances (hubby was out of work) I went back to work when my daughter was only 6 weeks old. When I look back now I realise how insane that was. There were some positives though, I really didn't have a chance to get stressed about my return. I watched all of my pre-natal friends go through this anxiety and I can happily report that it all worked out well for them!
Oh I really feel for you. It's such a wrench but I think it hurts us far more than it hurts them. I think every parent stresses over what is right for them, even if finances allow. I work from home at the moment but have no childcare so it really is snatched moments and when they're in bed. Working from home has its advantages (like no commute for one) but it can be lonely, you miss out on all the office banter and can sometimes speak to no one all day. Wishing you luck on your returnx
I've been back at work for three weeks now! In an ideal world I would go freelance and work from home, ducking into town for the occasional meeting or launch. But as you say its not. I love my job and have managed to negotiate less hours….which is great as leaving P full time would be tough for both of us. At the moment I am really enjoying the time I have in the office – being 'independent' P however is struggling to settle into nursery but I know she will in time..Good luck!!