I have a confession.
I’ve fallen into a lazy parenting trap and I’m struggling to climb out.
I once blogged about how well my children slept. Like proverbial babies, they’d slumber uninterrupted all night long. Even though sleep escaped me regularly, at least when they slept I could cope with the long waking hours.
Then, as if I’d tempted those fickle hands of fate, and with alarming synchronicity, they stopped sleeping through the night. Saying it was a shock to the system doesn’t begin to explain how it felt.
My three year old Big E’s night terrors play their unwanted part. But then there is his nightly migration from his bed into ours, anytime from 3am onwards. At first we’d try and coax him back into his own bed. He eventually grew savvy to this and realised that by throwing an almighty nocturnal tantrum he’d quickly be ushered into our bed. Anything for an easy life and only for the short term, we tried to convince ourselves.
Result. For him.
As if they are joined by some internal sibling body clock, 8 month old Little E will also wake and refuse to settle until she can join the party. We can often then be found, all four of us packed like sardines into our double bed.
Rod for my own back? You betcha.
Now, I find myself with my back to the wall. My feeble attempts to make them sleep in their own beds are failing and they each have me wrapped around their little fingers. Not good. Not good at all. Especially since in one month’s time I will be working three days a week and these nightly antics must be resolved.
But, I am at a loss. How can I persuade them both to sleep in their own beds? Is it just a case of being firm for a while and seeing how it pans out?
Any words of wisdom and/or solidarity would be greatly appreciated.
Something’s got to give!
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
I just this morning read another article on the same topic.
You might enjoy it.
Sleep deprivation stinks!
http://www.thewesternstar.com/index.cfm?sid=327356&sc=27&comments=view#507841
.-= Susie´s last blog ..Moderation is the Key-Wish I Could Find It! =-.
Thanks for the linky Susie. x
Tough love! I’ve had 4, even 5 in the bed scenarios myself! Big A has a double bed so sometimes hubby goes into bed with her. We usually have Little A in bed with us all night and Mr. R usually appears around 7! You could put a gate on his bedroom door so Big E can’t get out. Or develop a star/sticker chart! Hope things improve soon, D x
.-= Dymphna´s last blog ..Loss, Lies and Goldfish … =-.
He has a gate Dymph. Sands there csreaming blue murder, shaking the bars like he’s in prison. I think the neighbours must *adore* us.
Like the chart idea. Will see what I can come up with.
Clever Preschooler used to do the same thing. Even now when he wakes in the night and wanders into our room, I scoop him up into our bed to cuddle him without giving it a second thought. The difference now is that I cuddle him for about 30 seconds, while I ask him what’s wrong and what we can do to make it better. These days the answer can usually be found a a cup of milk and an extra snuggly trip to his room to tuck him back into his own bed.
I think dealing with little ones whose sleep habits have gone bad takes both firmness and softness – you’ve just got to find the right balance!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Ash Wednesday once again. . . =-.
I think I’ve just given in for an easy life. Because Little E (who’s 8 months old) is still in with us I do anything to keep her asleep. Plus the husband starts work very early some days.
I need to find that balance for sure!
@Cheshire_Claire wrote about her sleep fairy technique in this post – http://www.cheshiremum.co.uk/2010/01/babies-cry-but/
- it might work for you too?
Ah, thanks for the link Stefanie, very useful indeed!
Not that I have had this problem yet anyway! But I agree maybe a sticker chart and some reward after a few stickers would help. Good luck with it all though.
.-= Kerry´s last blog ..I don’t think so…not happy =-.
Thanks Kerry! Hopefully you won’t repeat my mistakes so won’t have to deal with this phase!
If you find out tell me, L is still getting in our bed in the night and moving everyone about and she’s nearly 7 – we need to sort it in our house too xx
.-= Liz@VioletPosy´s last blog ..What was I thinking? =-.
It’s so easy to let them come for a snuggle isn’t it? I have to be honest and say sometimes I enjoy having a lovely cuddle with him but sometime I need my space back.
I guess I’m confusing him too with my mixed messages, poor kid!
We have a similar problem with BG except she now likes to sleep downstairs with Daddy, we need start getting her into her own bed but have become a bit lazy and desperate for a full nights sleep x
.-= New Mummy´s last blog ..Romance – Its the little things that count =-.
It is the desperation that leads you to do these things isn’t it? Sometime you’ll do anything for sleep, because without it you just can’t function.
Hope you get it sorted too. xxx
I am in the same boat and failed miserably with my first 2 with this problem, i am just too soft! but I am going to start being tough on the Milsta I will let you know how i get on…ekk…big hugs and good luck, may the tough parent force be with us both ;d xxx
And with you too my dear! Lets hope we get our beds (and maybe a sliver of sanity) back soon! xxx
I think it’s just a case of patience and perseverance. Making them realise that they have to sleep in their own beds, all night, is always the hardest thing but it’s the right thing also. Taking them back to bed a hundred times a night if you have to, until they understand that they won’t get away with it anymore. Good Luck, I’m sure you’ll crack it.
CJ xx
.-= Crystal Jigsaw´s last blog ..Homemade Pride =-.
I know you’re right CJ! I just need to gird my loins and get on with it!
I hope I do crack it, and soon.
My 3yo is a terrible sleeper. He is better than he was but by no means great. What I did was have a reward chart and rewards which he could see when he went to sleep. I bought some cheap party bag type toys. If he got me up in the middle of the night, I would tell him if I am up to you again with the exception of going to the toilet then you want be getting your reward. It has definetly helped. I am still up during the night but it’s mainly to take him to the toilet.
My 1yo is fantastic however sleeps through anything. So far so good. But won’t hold my breath.
Good luck. xx
Sounds like your idea worked. Long may it continue!
My daughter is six and would still come into my bed at 3am in the morning if I let her but then I get no sleep and end up grumpy and exhausted the next day. So if she comes in I am extremely strict, in fact I turn into a slight monster, and it is made clear that she must return to her own bed. After trying a few more times she learnt the lesson although I know it sounds harsh. For younger children friends have tried rewards charts, stickers etc. I think you need to be firm, longer term it has to be better all round for them to sleep in their own beds.
.-= Rosie Scribble´s last blog ..Escaping it all =-.
You’re right, I need to be firm. Must try harder, much much harder. It’s so easy to cave in when y9u’re already exhausted but Im only have 3 weeks to nip this in the bud.
God you must be exhausted. All the advice I’ve ever seen on programmes like House of Tiny Tearaways and The Baby Whisperer etc is to gently and firmly pick them up and put them back in their own beds. Even if you have to do it 20 or 30 times a night (I know – when it’s the middle of the night it’s so much easier just to let them stay isn’t it?) and then gradually, so the theory goes, they stay in their own beds. But you’re not supposed to talk, reason, plead with them. Sticker charts are good too as other people have suggested if they’re old enough to understand rewards.
Crossing everything for youxx
Charts seem to be a common theme. Yep, you’re right it is hard to just pick him up and put him back, and even harder not to let the situation escalate and we all end up upset, him pleading to be let in, us pleading him to stay in bed. In my foggy head at 4am I just sometime don’t have any energy to fight
.
xx
you could put a gate up to stop them coming in that may work but you will have a couple of nights of crying. Or you can just lead them back to bed of they come in every time (also tiring but will work eventually)
My 2yr old keeps waking up getting out of her bed and wandering either into my room or her sisters. I’ve put a gate up to stop her waking up the other girls and every time she gets up i just send her back to bed, It is getting less and less and I have to be firm with her. Be firm good luck xxx
.-= amy´s last blog ..Spreading the love =-.
We’ve always had a gate and telling him to go back used to work. These days, now he’s that bit older he’s discovered the power of the nocturnal tantrum.
I need to redress the balance, this much I’m sure of!
