There are lots of things in life that scare me. Spiders, thunder and deep water to name but a few.
I wouldn’t call them phobias though, simply fears or dislikes.
When I had children I made the conscious effort to try not to pass these fears onto them. No parent wants to see their child experiencing fear and certainly not witness those fears develop into phobias and panic.
At the end of last year I wrote about an experience Big E had in the hairderssers. After previously having his haircut without any problems he gradually became frightened, so much so that he screamed and cried through a cut and was asked to leave (and pay) with only his half hair cut.
Since then I’ve attempted to cut his hair at home on a couple of occasions. Each time his panic and terror increasing to the point where now the mere mention of a haircut can send him into meltdown.
When I say he’s terrified I am not exaggerating. The most recent attempt had him hyperventilating and breaking out in a rash before we’d even got the clippers out. Needless to say we didn’t go through with the cut. He’s three years old and was virtually having a panic attack.
It’s just horrendous to see your child so distressed over something so seemingly insignificant.
We’ve decided to stop trying or even asking him if we can cut his hair. I’m not prepared to put him through the stress anymore. It’s soul destroying and utterly heartbreaking. Instead, we’ve decided to just let his hair grow. It’s thick and messy, but I’d rather him that way than traumatised any longer.
This isn’t just something that bothers him a little, it’s a full on phobia. We’ve tried all sorts of advice; Bribery, sitting him in a highchair while watching a DVD, going to the hairdressers to watch his Daddy have his hair cut, letting him hold the clippers, letting him cut Daddy’s hair. Nothing helps and only serves to exacerbate an already out of control situation.
I discussed it briefly with the health visitor but she said she’d never come across it and told me he’d probably grow out of it. Not exactly the advice I was looking for.
The nursery, on the other hand, were fantastic about it and arranged to have a role play afternoon focused on going to the hairdressers. They let the pre-schoolers, wash, cut, dry and brush dolls hair. Big E was reluctant, especially when asked to cut and wash hair, but I’m so thankful that the nursery were willing to spend time helping us and him out.
I’m not sure where to go from here. We seem to constantly be taking steps backward. He’s screams through having his hair washed, and won’t even let me brush his hair. I’ve been seriously considering getting some kind of professional help, but I’ve no idea where to even begin looking.
I’m just at a total loss an don’t know what my next move should be!
So for now, Big E will be my gorgeous little boy with the big hair. And woe betide anyone who utters those five little words, “He needs a hair cut.”
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Has your child had a fear that developed into a phobia?
Have you been able to help your child over come a similar phobia?
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That’s so strange because my son had a thing about having his hair cut too at about that age.
He would scream and thrash and weep and beg – and this was having my friend and next door neighbour who he knew really well cut hit!
But he did grow out of it. We just ignored it. Never mentioned it or made a big deal of it. But we did ‘play’ with hair (what? mummy likes having her hair played with!) so he was used to having someone fiddle with his hair!
I think the trouble is, we unwittingly make it this huge thing and then it becomes something much bigger and scarier.
The role playing is great, but you need to keep it up so he’s used to it.
And actually, boys look gorgeous with longer hair! If he’s anything like my son (who is now 7) you will one day say ‘ fancy having your hair cut with dad’s?’ and he’ll trot off no trouble at all.
Hope this helps in a small way x
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My daughter is exactly the same – terrified of hairdressers and so has never had her hair professionally cut. She has allowed me to trim in a couple of times but it can never look any different or she gets very upset. It is easier with girls of course because they can wear their hair long. I think he will grow out of it in time. My daughter is prepared to wear her hair up occasionally now but she still hasn’t had it cut. She does seem less anxious about hairdressers now though, and less anxious in general. So I’d give it time, although how long he can sport a longer hair style I don’t know. But I wouldn’t worry too much xx
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No advice, but Mr Posh had a phobia of having his hair cut as a child too (he is still not fond of it now) and grew up with the most gorgeous long blonde hair and it was that gorgeous long blonde hair that first attracted me to him many years ago … he didn’t have a hair cut for over 18 years and it didn’t do him any harm. He was about 25 or 26 years old before he got it all cut short ( and I was gutted)
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I think it’s quite common for young children to hate having their hair washed, brushed or cut. But what you describe here seems quite extreme. I have a battle with mine over it but they don’t get as distressed as Big E. I think that role play idea is a good one, is it something you could do at home too? Does Little E have her hair cut yet? Would he be better if he watched her have her hair cut? Or watched you have your hair cut? I don’t have any firm answers. It’s not quite a phobia but my husband has always hated having his hair cut, he says he can’t stand people touching his head! Hopefully it’s something Big E will adapt to as he gets older, he’s still only little and fears like this can be really big at that age. Maybe when he’s older and develops firm friendships he could go to have his hair cut at the same time as a friend. Fingers crossed he overcomes it.
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I am terrible, lol, I used to just hold her down.
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My daughter has a ‘mashed’ phobia. Mainly mashed potato but any type of mashed root vegetable does it! seriously. She sweats, shakes, crys, goes rigid. She is slowly getting better and manages to deal with being in the same room/table as it now as long as she doesn’t actually have to eat it. The school had little sympathy for it and she was physically carried out of the dinner hall once and disaplined because they didn’t believe it was for real. My only advice is don’t underestimate the power of his feelings and don’t try to brush it off lightly. Take him seriously. Never say ‘Its only a hair cut’ but try (as you have been) to help him through it. My guess is that he will grow out of it. If he doesn’t actually have to have his hair cut right now then don’t bother. The only other idea I have is is there anyone or thing that is just so cool he couldn’t say no to them. Could fireman sam do his hair? *sigh* I guess you’ve tried it all, leave it 6 months and see how it goes then.
I can totaly relate to your childs fear. I remember a diner lady in school force feeding me mash as she thought i was just being fussy, I was actually sick and then fainted i was so scared. Unfortunatly this fear has not gone away although i can be in the same room as it now.
Weaning my children from milk onto pureed food was a nightmare for me and even now at 32 i will feel sick if i have to make the children anything mashed. Although i can just about manage the sight of it now i could never ever eat anything mashed eeewww
I have no idea but personally I’d take him to the doctors to check it’s not something physical, maybe a sensitive scalp (is that even a thing?) or something.
I really hope he does grow out of it, and soon. *big hugs*
Gosh how interesting. That probably sounds awful but I’ve not heardof this sort of thing but from the comments, it’s not as rare as we may think. I agree that the role play & playing with hair ( I love my hair being brushed!) can only help. Try not to worry about it & let some time pass.
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We’re definitely giving it time. No pressure, no fuss, just whenever he’s ready.
This sounds awful, it must be so stressful for you too. My daughter hates having her hair washed, brushed and blow dried, BUT she loves having a haircut and does lots of role playing on her own initiative. I remember I was the same as her at that age and my parents eventually cut my long hair off to end the stress. I did grow out of it though, but to be fair it wasn’t a phobia or panic, just being a bit of a madam.
I’m currently worried about the next visit to the dentist, daughter really hates doctor’s chairs/beds and is very clear she does not want to go to the dentist. It won’t be easy and I’m torn between making it familiar by taking her and not fussing and simply not taking her (her teeth are fine)
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It is very stressful, more so for him though I expect.
We recently had to go to the dentist with Big E and because of his issues with hair I was expecting a similar reaction to the dentists chair. He surprised me completely and actully liked going.
I hope you manage to come to a decision that fits you and your daughter. These children of ours sure do like to test us!
How odd that your HV has never heard of this – even chatting at the school gates over the years I have heard of a few children in our village who were absolutely terrified of having their hair cut. If it’s any consolation they seem to grow out of it and 3-5 is a common age for it. It must be a nightmare for you tho. A bloggy friend of mine went through this with her son when he was younger – he started school today sporting short hair
hang in there!
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Ah, I should have made myself clearer, she know of children who are reluctant to have their hair cut, but not to the extent of phobia.
I’m hanging in there although my nails are just about to break!
No phobias here, but I’m thinking unless he has a medical/skin problem like a really sensitive scalp??? (am I clutching at straws for you?) that he will just grow out of it with no pressure.
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Oh poor you, so upsetting
My 4yo was fine having his haircut the first few times. No tears, no problem. Then about 2 years ago he suddenly had the hugest melt down and it was so distressing for everyone. We did get through it, but I was appalled, he was in pieces, hairdresser looked a bit shocked too.
I left it for about 6 mths after that, I just let his hair grow, I actually quite like longish hair on little boys. Then I chopped it myself a bit and he was fine with that. After about a year I took him to the hairdressers, another one though. One that ONLY does children’s hair, so the salon is verychild friendly, loads of toys etc. Plus I took his younger brother for his first cut and the 4yo was to be the ‘big boy’ etc etc. And he was fine.
No real advice I know. Does it have to be clippers? Might that be the issue the noise of them. Scissors might be less scary? Buy a pair of hairdressing scissors from Boots and let him hold them, let someone else (!) cut a bit of your hair in front of him. Then ask if you can cut ONE bit of his hair, not his whole head, just one tiny bit. And go from them. Even if you cut ONE bit (1cm) and he’s ok then just leave it at that. And then ask on another day if you can try again etc etc.
Just some ideas! xx
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It may take some time before he is ready but when he is the old treehouse in hebden bridge has a childrens hairdresser. Apparently the purple fairy cuts your hair while you sit in a big wooden specially made chair. It sounds like a much more child friendly environment?
Ah thanks for the tip off! I’ve been googling for children’s hairdressers locally and had no luck!
xxxx
My little boy was terrified of getting his hair cut as well, really, really scared. It turned out it was the clippers that terrified him so much so about a week before I knew we were going to get it done we started to build up to it. I cut a tiny peice of his hair with some scissors and gave it to him on each day and I let him cut a piece of mine too.
On the morning of the haircut I told him to think about the treat he was going to get when we were done (shameful bribery I know) and we set off for the hairdressers. He was so scared bless him. We went to a specialist chile hairdreser and i made sure he knew that the clippers wouldn’t be used. I said that we were just having a practice and the lady would only do a tiny bit then we would come back next time. He let her do a little bit (few tears but it got done) and then a little bit more until he had something resembling a haircut lol and then we left it at that for that time.
Each time we’ve gone back since then it’s got easier although he still expects treats lol, He even let the man use the clippers on the side bits last time!
Good luck x x
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I found this article on your blog as I was desperately searching for (what seems) the millionth time for advice on this exact same problem! I feel your pain so many times over as I have experienced this exact same thing with my son since he was 9 months old… he is 5 1/2 now. Just to give you a short history… we spent nearly 3 years having someone come to our house to cut his hair because the entire experience was like a scene from the Exorcist. He is quite big for his age so after it got to the point my husband could not hold him still without hurting him, we stopped cutting it. That was almost 2 years ago. A year ago, we spent 9 months in counseling doing play therapy which was to help him deal with some possible anxiety leading to his phobia. It did not help. Don’t get me wrong, I think play therapy is great but it did not work for my son in this situation. Which brings me to where we are now. We are considering some occupational therapy to deal with possible sensory issues. He is in kindergarten this year and he has had to deal with kids making fun of him (calling him a girl) and grown up mistaking him for a girl on a daily basis. IT BREAKS MY HEART! His hair is about 4 inches past his shoulders so you can totally understand why a grown up would mistake him for a girl. Oh, and I forgot to mention… along with the fear of haircuts he has always hated his hair washed or brushed. We have to use a special brush which doesn’t even begin to get out the knots. Many times I just have to cut knots out of his hair during his sleep. I am also constantly worried about being able to get his hair clean. Many baths have turned into battles due to me “hurting” his head while washing his hair.
I am writing all of this to let you know I understand how REAL this is! Many people have no idea how extreme this phobia is until they see the child actually react. It was after 9 months of the play therapy that the therapist actually addressed the hair issue directly and she saw what happened. This is what she said, “I didn’t realize it was that bad.” Ugh!!
I know this is not necessarily advice but I think it is important for you to know there are other moms out there dealing with this extreme situation. I wish you the best and please post an update if you have found anything new that works for you!