There are some dates that are forever emblazoned in my mind.
Some for the happiest of reasons, and some for sad. Each one bringing with it its own particular collection of emotions.
December 7th, 2012, is one date that I will never forget.
It is exactly 365 days since I was made redundant from the company for which I had worked for 16 years – my entire working life, to that point. A bittersweet day. A strange day. An end and a beginning all at once.
I felt an intoxicating mixture of grief and relief. I thought there would be tears, high emotions and sad goodbyes, and there were, but not from me. Not at that point anyway.
The following weeks brought with them the wonderful high of a christmas at home with the children, absorbing and enjoying every precious minute. Followed by the cavernous low of a bout of depression, once the festivities were over, and the reality of having no job set in.
I was officially unemployed. Another benefit claimant, signing on for my Job Seekers Allowance. A faceless number in the government’s oft bandied about statistics, and I felt utterly and completely worthless. Without a job I felt as if I had lost a part of my identity, and all my confidence along with it.
But then A Good Thing happened.
I consider myself to be extremely lucky that I found a job and began working within two months of my redundancy. It’s a job I’m very happy in. It brought with it new challenges but I’ve enjoyed that. The new people, the new environment – it’s somewhere I can see myself fitting in, long term.
Unfortunately for me, my contract is only to cover maternity leave, so come April 2014 I could find myself riding this wave once again. There is a possibility it could become a permanent role, but as the days and months march ever towards my contract termination date, I’m beginning to feel that the possibility is slipping through my fingers.
I knew the situation when I took the job. But, to be perfectly honest, I’m don’t know how I’d cope all over again.
I’m not sure I’m ready for the soul destroying task that is job hunting. I just want to be settled, and feel safe and secure. I’m certain that isn’t too much to ask.
So, along with the good, comes the bad, and I’ll just have to see where the tide takes me. Swept out to sea, or safe on the shore? Who knows…
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