Daydream believer…..

by Insomniac Mummy on September 26, 2009

Shhhh, don’t tell anyone. My children sleep. They sleep like those proverbial babies.

For me, however, it’s a whole different kettle of fish…..

Sleep.

Five little inconspicuous letters.

One unattainable daydream.

I struggle to sleep. Those illusive eight hours of blissful relaxation escape me, nightly. It’s been this way my entire adult life. My head buzzes with snowballing thoughts that I find impossible to tame. I lie awake ’til dawn then often ‘collapse’ into an exhaustion induced fit of sleep only to be rudely awoken by small people needing to be fed and watered. How very dare they…..

I had expectations that motherhood would cure this damned insomnia. I thought maybe my brain might decide that extra responsibility equalled extra sleep. Nope. Not on your nelly. In fact, hell, why not try less. Wouldn’t that be a hoot?

Inexplicably (and thankfully) I have bred champion sleepers. My two ‘sleep thieves’ both slept through the night from being a few weeks old (Ouch! Stop slapping me!) If there were medals, they would win gold. Granted there have been times when they have woken in the night and needed me, but those times are few and far between.

I’ve tried all sorts in my quest for sleep. Warm baths, hot milk, chamomile tea, cutting out caffeine, listening to music, reading, herbal tablets (hallucinations anyone?), relaxation techniques, lavender pillow spray, only going to bed when tired, getting up if not tired, writing thoughts down, not eating late at night, blah blah blah……

I am yet to find a solution. Actually, that’s not strictly true. I recently found that pear cider and sleeping on an airbed 200 miles from home offered a reprieve. This, of course, is totally impractical as an everyday solution and would possibly involve bankruptcy and alcoholism.

My essential survival tactic is to teach the children the art of the lie in. They wake, have breakfast then we retreat back to my bed for long lazy cuddles. The mass mid morning nap is the only way I get through some days. It’s not an everyday occurrence, just reserved for those days when I am beyond exhaustion. I am endlessly proud of my trainee lazy bones.

I guess until the children are older, and I can rein in my crazy just a little, I am headed for a few sleepless nights yet. And, without a doubt, those beautiful children are worth every single millisecond of wakeful worry.

So, if I call you the wrong name, lose my thread mid sentence or completely forget random words, please forgive me.

In the meantime all I can do is daydream about sleep. I’ve survived so far…….

____________________________________________________________________

This post was written for The Sleep Deprivation Carnival 2009 at ‘Sleep is for the Weak’

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Ellie is a working mum. In her spare time she spends far too much time waffling on the internet. She's a Twitter addicted Facebook fanatic, and an all round social media butterfly. You can also find her on Google + as Insomniac Mummy. She once walked across England and is planning on walking 100K in one day in May 2014 for Cancer Research. All she really wants is a good night's sleep...

Drop Ellie a line, if you like!

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

New Mummy September 26, 2009 at 2:22 pm

I feel for you a really do, I often have bouts of Insomnia that last weeks and not matter what I do nothing seems to help. A fews times I have had to get prescription sleeping tablets but I don't really like to take. If only mine and BG's sleep patterns could match we'd be fine x

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Jo Beaufoix September 26, 2009 at 7:47 pm

I too am a 'night' person. Sleep is so hard sometimes and it's so blumming annoying. You have put it in such a fabulously eloquent and beautiful and brilliant way though hon. Just imagine what you could do if you had enough sleep?? Bl**dy hell!

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Laura C September 26, 2009 at 8:57 pm

Oh no I can't imagine what that must be like! I love my sleep…I'd sleep all day if you let me, guess I'm not over the teenager years yet.

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Mwa September 26, 2009 at 11:00 pm

Terrible thing. I suffered for years. I'm not so bad now. I did a mindfulness course, which helped me. I hope you eventually find something which works for you, because it's a terrible terrible feeling to be exhausted all the time.

On that note, I have noticed it's one in the morning, so I'm turning in. ;-)

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Perfectly Happy Mum September 27, 2009 at 8:57 am

I don't know how you cope! that would be the end of me…
Have you tried meditation? it is hard at first but if you take it slowly and do small sessions at a time you will train yourself to last longer. It is a great way to learn to empty your head totally.
Good luck!

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Anonymous September 28, 2009 at 3:20 pm

blogging this at – 1.17am – and i know i won't be asleep for at least another hour.
Being an insomniac Mum is awful. I miss breakfast and the school run (due to my kick me in the head sleeping tablets which activate at, oh, 4am whenever I take them) Thank God for a good dad who gets them fed and dressed and a good 6 times out of ten to school on time.
But those dark hours are awful, and make you feel insane.
Many Hugs from one who knows you not but knows how hellish it all is…

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