Butterflies – Returning to work and the realisation that I am more than just a mother!

Last week I had to rescind my longed for stay at home mum status and return to work.

After months of planning, apprehension, tears, tantrums, butterflies, and sleepless nights,  the first day our new routine soon arrived. As with the best laid plans, where children are concerned, they didn’t quite pan out as expected. But, with a little help and alot of tearing out of hair, I finally made it to my first day back!

The second I walked back through the door, sat at my desk, and logged onto my PC I felt strangely at home. It was as if the whole place had been in some sort of time warp without me for the last 11 months. As if I’d never been away.

Ever since I had Big E I have longed to be a stay at home mum. That was my ultimate goal. Then having Little E only re-enforced that wish, but circumstances and perhaps a little turn of fate, would not allow it.

In the run up to my return I spent hours mourning the loss of all the special moments I’d miss. Worrying that by going back I was neglecting them and my place in the world. I’d totally, utterly and completely based my whole existence around the side of me that is a mother, forgetting all my other facets.

So, at the end of the first week I was surprised, and a little bit shocked, to realise that I actually enjoyed being able to be something more than just a mother!

I’ve relished using my brain. Loved having adult conversations about things other than trains and dinosaurs. Managed to eat all my lunch without having bits of it stolen or thrown at me. Plus I got to listen to a full 50 minutes of my favourite music on my iPod on the bus back to nursery to collect the children. Bliss.

I realise now that I’d totally got myself caught up in the perfect ideal that being a stay at home mum was the only way to look after my children properly, and that being a mum was the only me there was left, losing huge parts of and neglecting me along the way.

This week has forced me to realise that yes, I am a mum, and a bloody fantastic one at that, but I’m also a friend, a sister, a wife, a daughter, an artist, a music lover, an individual and a thousand different faces to a thousand different people.

By pigeon holing myself into just one box I have been limiting my own ambitions, abilities, and needs and I’m beginning to realise now that just because I have children it doesn’t mean I am only a mother. I am a mother and so much more, and then some.

So, in the grand scheme of things, while I would still love to live the dream of being a stay at home mum one day, I now know that in order to be the best mum I can be I need to take care of and balance my own needs too.

It’s time for me to spread my wings a little and fly.

How do you manage to balance the different sides of yourself successfully?