Something happened to me over the weekend. I found myself dealing with a situation that I thought I had left well and truly in the past.
Whilst I was out with the girls I had a huge panic attack.
It’s been well over 2 years since I last felt that internal fight or flight adrenaline rush completely over take my body. The last time I recall it happening before this was at my desk at work when Big E was still only a baby. I honestly thought I’d conquered them.
Obviously not.
As is usual with the attacks I have, it came completely out of the blue. I was out with the girls, I’d had some cocktails and a lovely meal. I’d decided not to drink after dinner and switched to drinking water. We moved on to a couple of crowded bars and I was feeling great. I’d been wearing heels but swapped them for some ballerina flats I had in my bag, just so I could have a dance without breaking my ankles.
A friend and I were standing at the edge of the dance floor in a heaving nightclub, chatting. She asked me if I wanted to dance, I took one step forward onto the dancefloor and that’s when the panic began.
Everything felt as if it was whoosing towards me, I couldn’t breathe and was gasping for breath. My hands were pins and needles numb, and I could feel myself sobbing uncontrollably. I began pushing through the crowd in an attempt to find some space, but in my panic couldn’t find a way out, only a sea of people.
As the panic increased I eventually scrambled my way to the door, with the help of a friend, and sat on a wall in the middle of a crowded city centre sobbing and shaking.
After a few minutes, a lot of deep breathing, and a drink from the bottle of water I’d been clutching onto, the panic subsided and I was left feeling confused, embarrassed, apologetic and looking like a latter day Alice Cooper with mascara streaked all down my face.
We texted our friends, hailed a taxi and headed back to the hotel. By midnight we were tucked up with a cup of tea watching the TV whilst the rest of our friends carried on partying.
I’m not sure why, after all this time, these panic attacks have managed to take hold of me again. As a result I now find myself worrying that it might happen again, and playing out ‘what ifs’ in my head. One thing I am certain of is that I am downright determined not to let them stop me from leaving my house, as they did before.
I’m just not sure how.
Have you ever suffered panic attacks? How did or do you deal with them?
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
I too have suffered from panic attacks, infact the worst one meant me leaving the boys and they were just really baby’s at the time in a shoe shop and bolting – yep funny now, but not at the time. MadDad had to come and rescue them.
I have some excercises and paperwork that might help you. I received CBT for my PND and Depression and we worked on my panic attacks using a ladder system. This really worked for me.
I have your address, so will get MadDad to photocopy them and post them to you over the next couple of days.
You do not have to become a prisoner to them, you can deal with them, it just takes work and effort. You are not alone in this.
The Mad House´s last blog ..Young at Heart Photo Albulm
((Hugs)) for you lovely.
I once had one at a baby group and had to ring the husband at work to come and get me too.
Would really appreciate the exercises. Am determined not to have another if I can help it!!
xxx
That sounds like an awful experience – sorry to hear you went through it. I’m a hypnotherapist and have had many good results with clients suffering from panic and anxiety attacks. You might want to check out local hypnotherapists and checking the listing on the National Council for Hypnotherapy website http://www.hypnotherapists.org.uk will ensure that the hypnotherapist is qualified and of good standing. If you need any more info just let me know.
Tracy
Thanks for the link Tracy. I’ve never really considered hypnotherapy but might be worth looking into.
Gosh, how frightening. I wonder what brought it on. I have had a couple – once when I was heavily pregnant in the car and once in France, when we’d just landed at the airport and had just got in a hire car. Mine are to do with a driving phobia. Consequently, I don’t drive and how ever many problems this causes me, I would rather that than have panic attacks. I was offered CBT at one point but the waiting list in the borough I was in was so long I’d moved. They haven’t come back but that’s because I avoid the trigger and they haven’t transferredto anything else. What do you think sets yours off?
Do you know? I’m not sure what it is. It could’ve been the crowded space but I can be in crowds and feel fine. I’m really not 100% sure.
x
I don’t know what to suggest, but offer lots of sympathy, hope this is a one-off, and praise for your good attitude.
I once had a student suffer a panic-attack during one of my tutorials. I’m ashamed to say I had no idea what to do, but one of her friends looked after her. It turned out the department had a special sofa for lying down on in one of the professorial offices, so she went there to recover. Not especially relaxing, I would have thought, as the professor was in residence, but there you go.
Actually I do have a vague idea: I remember reading that the people who do best and panic least in a disaster are the people who did the safety drill and can get to the exits on autopilot. So maybe you could invent some simple emergency routine in case this happens again e.g. children into buggy, bottom onto chair (floor if necessary), extract chocolate from bag. And of course you’ll need to practice, which will mean buying some chocolate to make up for the secret post chocolate you didn’t get to eat. Anyway, I’m sure you can think up a variant on this suggestion that might be better for you.
Dot´s last blog ..More farewells
One of the big problems is it’s hard to be rational when it happens. The panic takes over.
I’m so glad it happened away from home when the children weren’t there.
I’m sorry if my comment sounded a bit light-hearted for the subject. It wasn’t meant to be callous. I hope Mad House’s exercises help.
Dot´s last blog ..More farewells
Ha, you didn’t sound callous lovely! xxx
Poor you, that sounds terrifying. Could they be related to your insomnia? I suffered from at the same time I was suffering from post-natal insomnia. I don’t know whether the tiredness was the trigger, or the stress of the insomnia, but when that went away, so did the panics.
nappyvalleygirl´s last blog ..Glass half full…..
I didn’t even think to associate the two. Could well be.
x
Oh no, what a nightmare for you. No advice hon, but some virtual hugs.
Very Bored in Catalunya´s last blog ..Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 1, 2 …
Thanks Mrs xxx
This is so upsetting for you. I remember the feeling well. I knew what caused mine and worked to overcome the problem gradually. I am very uncomfortable in crowds still and would always know where the exits are. I am sorry I can’t be more helpful, I would dearly love to say something more than ‘I understand’ because I know how stressful is it to be wondering if it will happen again. Take care. Jen.
Jen´s last blog ..99: Skeletons in the closet?
Thanks Jen. It helps knowing that people understand. You do sort of feel alone when it’s all happening.
xxx
I’ve never had a really really bad attack but I did used to get them, normally when stressed (pleasantly suprised that i’ve not had any lately!) I went on anti anxiety tablets for them but felt like the tablets made me feel like i was constantly on the verge of a FOF moment, I came off of the tablets and the first few day were tough but after that it subsided. I’ll get flutters every now and then and I manage to calm myself down now. Usually happens more if I’m tired of if i’ve been under the weather with a cold and my chest already feels tight.
Hope they get better for you soon!
xxxx
MissSearles´s last blog ..How am I supposed to cope…Can you help me?
Thanks lovely. Glad you seem able to recognise and control it. I can recognise, just need to work on the control!
I did used to have them. I tried to deal with them for years (breathing therapy, physical therapy) and then finally managed with mindfulness (Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book is excellent) and meditation. I still sometimes have a relapse, though. Don’t let it scare you off doing things too much. It could just have been a one-off.
Mwa´s last blog ..Excuse me while I watch some daytime TV
I hope it was a one off. Fingers crossed.
I shall have a look out for the book, thanks for the tip.
x
I’m telling you it was flares!! horrid place!
please don’t let it stop you from enjoying your fun times. Big hugs my lovely xxx
Flares was scary. Fact.
I’m determined not to Katie! And than you so much for helping me!!
xxxxxx
I had them now and again when I was in my late teens and I later had them when I had PND. For me they occurred when I was depressed, I’m not sure what the triggers were though. I don’t think I managed them very well, I remember feeling claustrophobic, struggling for breath and having that overwhelming feeling of wanting to run somewhere. Thankfully I’ve not had any for a few years now. I’m sorry to hear this happened to you, hopefully it was a one off. I don’t have any great tips for managing them, maybe if you can identify a trigger you can manage it a bit. xx
Emily O´s last blog ..Mummy bloggers: we’re not a new breed after all
I defnitley need to learn some sort of coping strategy when they happen. It’s just hard to cope when they happen isn’t it?
I hope you stay panic free forever my lovely! xxx
I have full sympathy. I’ve had panic attacks since I was 16 and I know just how horrific they can be. I still have them now, but rarely thank god. I know when they’re going to happen too. I can feel myself getting cold and sweaty, then my vision starts going black. Its so scary knowing wherever you are you have to get out that situation to stop what’s happening to you. Mine is a lot to do with crowds and busy places etc. but its horrible not having any control.
It’s scary isn’t it. That feeling of rising panic and loss of rational thought.
((Hugs))
xxx
I seriously empathise with you. I used to suffer them really badly too and regularly, then when I started dating the guy who is now my husband, I had one one day, and he grabbed me and actually talked and breathed me through it (with no prior experience!!) I’ve not had one since. I honestly don’t know how I overcame it, or how he did, but I’m so grateful. I wish you luck with it – oh… just thinking… keep a supply of Bach Rescue Remedy on hand… if you feel it coming, it might just deter it. .. and its all natural
Luschka (lvano)´s last blog ..Packing the Perfect Nappy Bag
Thinking about it, I’m not sure I’ve actually had one when my husband has been there. I tend to feel secure and safe around him.
I have some rescue remedy somewhere so I’ll be putting it my bag for future use!
xxx
I went through something like that with my 19 year old. With him they stopped when he got out of a stressful situation he was in.
HUGS!
Susie´s last blog ..Do Yourself a Favor: Learn How To Say NO!
Ah, glad they stopped for him Susie. xxx
You and I could talk. I just had a major set back in December and have been under treatment since then. Like you, I thought they were over with. I had not had a major attack in over three years. If you read my Britain or Bust post from Saturday you’ll see that I have been going quite a bit lately and my attacks are caused by fear of health issues. I don’t want to get to personal here but if you want to chat you can email me at smittenbybritain@hotmail.com
Thanks hon. Sorry you’re having a tough time with them. I’ll have a nosey at your post in a bit.
xxx
I want to second MWA’s comment. I am reading Zinn’s book as well and his meditation CD is good. Reading all of your comments it is amazing how people come out of the wood work when you start talking about something, and all the time you can feel so alone like you are the only one. I love the blogosphere.
It is amazing isn’t it? Sometimes the blogosphere is such a supportive environment.
I’m amazed at how many people have gone through this too.
xxx
I’ve been through them too and they’re nasty as hell. Crowded places used to set them off for me but, interestingly, it wasn’t so much the crush of bodies but the noise level/lighting that would really trigger it, plus whatever underlying anxiety there was that I hadn’t been processing. There seemed to be a noise threshold above which my brain just pinged and off I went – quite literally! Head swimming, chest-contracting, brain fizzing, flight mode out the door.
What was more scary was that, at the time, I just thought ‘That’s me – that’s the way I’m wired’. It took someone following me out of a venue one night and talking to me to realise there was something that needed looking into. I owe that person a lot.
Like The Madhouse, CBT really helped me. I saw a therapist on the NHS about it for a while and that was incredibly helpful. It was a great opportunity to step outside of myself and consider the triggers, discuss the background in a neutral way and, quite frankly, bawl my eyes out on occasion. Yoga and meditation have also been incredibly useful for calming the chattering ‘monkey brain’.
I moved to another country a while back and fell into something of a depression then – and, unsurprisingly, the panic attacks came back too. After the CBT from earlier days, I was surprised that I could be so blind-sided by another panic attack, as I thought I’d dealt with them/put that issue to bed forever. That was a bit of a shock in itself. However, because of the CBT, I felt much better able to deal with them – but found another therapist for a ‘top up’, so to speak. This one I didn’t connect with as well as the previous person from the NHS. But I still got a lot out of it and was able to adjust what I came to think of as my wobbly panic compass.
Hope it all works out for the best. xxx
Thanks Jen. I like the idea of having a wobbly panic compass. That descibes it perfectly.
Like you, crowds don’t always bother me. Interesting what you say about noise though. I was very very noisy when it happened.
I hope you manage to stay panic free.
xxx
Too many things about being surprised there. ‘Unsurprisingly’ in hindsight that the attacks came back. Completely surprised at the time!
I have only ever had one panic attack so I know how it feels and I feel for you. Mine was when I went into hospital because I was in so much pain with my Crohn’s (didn’t know that was what it wa at the time). I was waiting at a & e and I could feel it coming on (although I didn’t realise what it was until after) and a doctor saw me and took pity. They made me breathe into a mask thingy to calm me but it was exactly as you described. x
bev´s last blog ..Levi’s story
Hello Bev!
That must’ve been scary for you, especially since you were still waiting to be diagnosed.
The deep steady breathing is the only thing that eventually calms me down. I find myseld pretending I’m breathing into a paper bag.
xxx
Just seen this and sorry to hear what happened. {Hugs} I had a few several years back – Shaftsbury Avenue, Friday night, steps of a theatre, idiotically put onto a packed tube by an ex was the worst. I won’t go on…Anyway, as others have suggested, a meditation tape gradually did the trick – over about 3 weeks the after effects gradually receded. Meditation, rest, and addressing the root of my anxiety. Take care x
Natalie´s last blog ..Snack Pot Lunch Box Set
I can relate to this. I have had panic attacks all my life. They can come out of the blue when I think I’m fine, but usually happen when I am under some kind of stress and am trying to push it to the back of my mind.
I have had medication for them but have also gotten off it. I did not like being on medication or the side effects.
I have heard chamomile tea (caffeine free) is helpful and have tried that. It seems to help calm me calm down but it takes a little while. I also have heard that getting rid of all caffeine is a good idea; though I can’t give up my one “wake up” caffeine of the day. They also say regular exercise can help.
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Hi there! Just found your website and I wanted to say that while I don’t suffer from panic attacks, my sister does and I know how incredibly scary they can be. I’m glad you had a friend with you to take good care of you and make sure you were safe. Here’s hoping this will pass and you won’t suffer another any time soon.
Huge (((hugs))) it was probably my shite dancing that sent you running for the hills .
Lax Parenting´s last blog ..Detoxing Dullness
((hugs)) I had one whilst driving because i had had a massive row with hubby before i went to work. I got in the car and started driving and by the time i got to the motorway i couldn’t breathe, i was sobbing and i had chest pains. My mind went crazy and i had to convince myself not to drive into a wall to get away from everything. Thankfully I manage to calm down but it was awful xxx
amy´s last blog ..Letting it all out