It’s at this point in the year where we’re supposed to nostalgically reflect on what’s passed, and optimistically look forward to what’s to come.
Out with the old, and in with the new.
I’m not going to lie; I’m struggling.
For the most part, 2012 was A Good Year. There were wonderful weddings, beautiful babies born, family holidays, good times with friends, and we have a roof over our heads. That is what makes me tick, and keeps me smiling.
But I can’t get past the fact that 2012 was the year I lost my job. It’s only been 3 weeks, but I feel completely lost, and all the positivity I had, in the run up to it happening, has been drained from me.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
I had plans, or plans to make plans at the very least, but with only one wage coming in, and bills to pay, the time I thought my redundancy payout would give me is going to be short. I know I’m going to have to compromise and simply try to get any job. Believe me, in this city, in the current financial climate, I know it’s not going to be easy. There is no time to be what I want to try and be. The mortgage needs paying, the kids need feeding and that is that.
I wish I could say I was looking forward to 2013 with a renewed optimism, but I’m not. Right now it feels like I’m never going to be the person I want to be, never going to achieve the potential I know I have. I want to learn, move forward, step up! Our circumstances will most likely mean a big step back.
I guess that’s just life. You always have to sacrifice parts of yourself. I just feel so, for want of a better word, alone. Most of all, I don’t want my children to get stuck here in this town. How can I show them there is more to life than this, if I can’t even change my own circumstances?
I want more for myself, a better life for us. Is that so wrong?