I want more for myself. Is that so wrong?

by Insomniac Mummy on December 31, 2012

It’s at this point in the year where we’re supposed to nostalgically reflect on what’s passed, and optimistically look forward to what’s to come.

Out with the old, and in with the new.

I’m not going to lie; I’m struggling.

For the most part, 2012 was A Good Year. There were wonderful weddings, beautiful babies born, family holidays, good times with friends, and we have a roof over our heads. That is what makes me tick, and keeps me smiling.

But I can’t get past the fact that 2012 was the year I lost my job. It’s only been 3 weeks, but I feel completely lost, and all the positivity I had, in the run up to it happening, has been drained from me.

I don’t know who I am anymore.

I had plans, or plans to make plans at the very least, but with only one wage coming in, and bills to pay, the time I thought my redundancy payout would give me is going to be short. I know I’m going to have to compromise and simply try to get any job. Believe me, in this city, in the current financial climate, I know it’s not going to be easy. There is no time to be what I want to try and be. The mortgage needs paying, the kids need feeding and that is that.

I wish I could say I was looking forward to 2013 with a renewed optimism, but I’m not. Right now it feels like I’m never going to be the person I want to be, never going to achieve the potential I know I have. I want to learn, move forward, step up! Our circumstances will most likely mean a big step back.

I guess that’s just life. You always have to sacrifice parts of yourself. I just feel so, for want of a better word, alone. Most of all, I don’t want my children to get stuck here in this town. How can I show them there is more to life than this, if I can’t even change my own circumstances?

I want more for myself, a better life for us. Is that so wrong?

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Ellie is a working mum. In her spare time she spends far too much time waffling on the internet. She's a Twitter addicted Facebook fanatic, and an all round social media butterfly. You can also find her on Google + as Insomniac Mummy. She once walked across England and is planning on walking 100K in one day in May 2014 for Cancer Research. All she really wants is a good night's sleep...

Drop Ellie a line, if you like!

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Very Bored in Catalunya December 31, 2012 at 11:56 am

I’m sure you’ve heard all the platitudes; that things happen for a reason, blah de blah but I imagine that’s of little help at the minute.

All I will say is that there will be better times, sure there will some crappy times as well, but things will get better and you’ll adjust to your new circumstances. Oh, and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself, sometimes life is big ball of horsecrap!

xx

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Insomniac Mummy December 31, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I was doing great. Then I hit a wall at 100mph, and kinda crumpled.

I can do this, I CAN!

xx

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Liz December 31, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Losing your job is really tough – I think it’s supposed to be up there with divorce and bereavement in the stress stakes, isn’t it? I lost my job at the end of 2008, at the height of the credit crunch. It’s not an exaggeration to say there were no jobs around at all, and there were hundreds of applicants chasing every job I applied for. As the sole wage-earner this was terrifying. But actually what happened with me is I ended up discovering blogging and social media and learning digital skills and it led to a whole new dimension to my career. I’ve written a few features on life after redundancy and the fact is it can be the doorway to a new career (Ellie I’ll and email a pdf of one of these to you). You have some great skills – start by listing those and think about options for homeworking. You have a great blog – you can make money of that to tide you over. Don’t think of this as part of your life that’s over, think of it as a new start. I promise you, it is.

xxx

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Insomniac Mummy December 31, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Thanks for the comment, email & PDF Liz. Much appreciated.

xx

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Mrs Teepot December 31, 2012 at 1:05 pm

oh sweety, I wish I had some good advice to give you. I’m sending good wishes for the new year and hoping an ideal job comes up at just the right time
xxx
Mrs Teepot recently posted..The Perfect Wife

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Insomniac Mummy December 31, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Thank you lovely. Sending wishes for a healthy and happy 2013 your way!

xx

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Heccy December 31, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Ok here’s the pep talk; only YOU can now change your life – and start thinking yourself into a positive frame of mind! Yes you ARE allowed to feel sorry for yourself – but only for a while and you absolutely must get over this funk. If you don’t, you really will sink. You’ve got to make opportunities happen and you need to recognise your strengths (and you have loads!!). Don’t be afraid to ask for help in any form. Pick a path and stick to it. Plan. Learn. It won’t happen overnight and it won’t be easy – but nothing ever worth doing ever is, right? RIGHT?!! Now, go get ‘em Tiger!!

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Erica December 31, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Being stuck between a rock and a hard place means the only way is UP :) Get the goals down and start taking the steps – even making short term cash can be seen as a step towards what you really want to do. Also, you’re so much more than the work you do, it’s not necessarily a bad thing that you’ve been forced into a space where you might need to redefine yourself. Embrace it, I think 2013 is going to be a great year for you. I’ve started a new business opp for 2013, it might not be your thing but if you’re interested give me shout.

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Kerry Fox January 1, 2013 at 9:46 am

I complete agree with Liz.
This happened to me too, at the same time of year, when I had an infant. I didnt handle it well but everything did work out despite my efforts to undermine myself.
This is only a path you can walk and so I understand how meaningless other people’s reassurances are. Hope this helps:
http://bookandbed.wordpress.com/2012/11/08/with-the-worst-comes-the-best/
Kerry Fox recently posted..Happy New Year

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Ellen January 1, 2013 at 6:15 pm

Huge hugs – it’s terrifying but you can do this and you will come out stronger and show you’re kids what a role model their mummy is.

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Sally January 7, 2013 at 1:16 am

Oh, I do know how you feel. I’ve been made redundant three times back in the days when I worked for other people. I always knew logically we’d survive but I think hurt pride was a huge issue for me, and one that took a long time to get past.

You can still have goals and projects, but maybe focus on non-financial ones while money is tight – and as others have said, use your blog and social media skills to tide you over until something does come along – and it always does. Wishing you the best

S
Sally recently posted..You Know You’re an Awesome Parent When…

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